Other day, my father was telling me stories of my birth, and why everyone felt I couldn’t be their kid. There’s nothing that shouldn’t make me their daughter, (except my sharp nose) but there’s a lot that I did for them to reconsider me as the one.
At 25, I am trying to trouble “myself” with something else. The ‘self’, whom I have tortured for last 25 years and that I’ve never forgiven her. She can’t be wrong all the 100 times. I’ve no answers for making her pay for others’ mistakes. And each time I was wrong, I was honest too! I am actually sorry being sorry all the time.
The brownie points that honesty earned for me are over, my impulses, jealousy, inability to accept denials have taken them all. Why couldn't I follow some discipline? Why was I so damn lazy? Few days before my sis's wedding while arranging/cleaning my stuff, she got extremely fed up and screamed at a high voice, "why didn't grow up or you pretend to be a kid?"
At 25, I hate look into a mirror. I don't hate myself… Just that I can’t face the person with lesser success and lesser confidence. The face that couldn’t retaliate; couldn’t grab opportunities, couldn’t settle for the best, the face that never grew up... I own up to my mistakes, and hence, ‘moving on’.
My 25th B'day is very special to me. At last, I've recognized the warning signs in 'hopeless' relationships around me... now I am running before it's too late! Anu must be happy.
