The size of matter is 0

Food for thought: The buzzword, size-zero is humiliating to this child and to countless Indians who can't cherish hunger

Why suffer from old fashioned disorders like Bulimia or anorexia? They don't make good fashion statements anymore. Die of the new one... The size-sero phenomenon. The Americans... oops sorry, the United Statian*, have got it right, just right for those kewl breed Indians who survive on cookies, chips and sodas... wears coolers once they are out of their air-conditioned sweat-shops and adopted a new accent in the name of neutral accent.

But why the "other" India is trying to achieve the size-zero status too? Or even talking of size-zero phenomenon now? Quite shamelessly, the same India doesn't talk of size-zero, when it's a matter of hunger-not-by-choice. Well, when 400+journos make to a single fashion show in India, who is left to write about those who don't enjoy hunger? A journalist friend of mine was going ga-ga over his recent size-zero attemps and defined the whole idea with a lot of passion. Wish he had done the same to some malnourished kids... They are gifted size zeros.

Why are we accusing media workers? (The word is commercial media worker, saves them from questions) Ours is a complex country, so much so that the day the Sensex crossed 19,000, we ranked 94th in the Global Hunger Index - and thankfully just behind Ethiopia:) High time our politicians went on a size-zero diet till the next gerenal elections and Jayalalitha for the next two decades. The rest of us can buy long gourd for Rs. 25 per kg and curse Chidambaram. Or get a market analysis saying Ramdev caused this high price for long gourd, as according to him, it keeps you young forever. Ouch, Pond's age-miracle:(

*Urban Dictionary suggests, United Statian is the right way to call them, because anyone who's born in the American Contienent, it's an American.

keywords: Goldsmith. Morrison. Marx

Why should boys have all the fun: True! At Morrison, on Satday when my friends saw a guy came in with three chicks... They shouted, "saale ki..." But guess who was luckier than the guy with three chicks? Me. Those friends of mine were three guys too, makes the whole thing reversely equal. So I told them "why should boys have all the fun."

Comfortably numb: You thought complete sentences are only news room's demand? Well, a goldsmith's too. As many of you know that I always go to a goldsmith each time I require to change to a different nosering. This time when I went to one in Delhi and asked him in keywords... "uncle, nosering, gold, change." He replied, rather harshly, "Beta speak complete sentences please."

Why comfortably numb? In the context of nosering only and the only thing I miss about Bangaluru is going comfortably numb while changing nosering(s). The goldsmith at the Comm. Street uses some spray to make the T- zone go numb, which was so damn comfortable. I didn't find any goldsmith practicing the same in Delhi or in Guwahati. Even my cousins from Hyderabad are now keen on going to Bangaluru to get comfortably numb. I mean, while piercing the parts of their bodies.

Highschool @ 25: Coelho once wrote rock music was better than Marx. I said the same to my Latin American friend, who's born and raised in Switzerland and speaks Spanish and French and hates those who ask her, " where are you from?" Her answer is "I'm from life." :)

I always mock at communists (Marx or Mao) and look for reasons to laugh at them. She replied to me that her Marxist dad was a political refugee from Chile in Switzerland, who had to go to highschool at 25. Because, the Swiss govt. didn't accept his academic qualifications from the country he left behind. Why did I think I was the only one to start from the start:) But the fact remains... Marx, Mao, Jyoti Basu or Manik Sarkar etc were/are not better than any singer! Anu Malik?

Boss with overflowing love

Do you know why Bollywood movies are rarely reflective and mostly creative? I have a reason! Last week when I made a train trip to Delhi from Guwahati, I could see why my parents were worried at the railway station. They saw a supposedly "terrorist looking" guy at the platform, and guess what, he eventually was my co-passenger. Doesn't it sound like as if they are highly influenced by those movies with common image of such characters. Well, he didn't plant a bomb in the train, so I am writing again.

Off lately, I think Jab We Met did an incredible job, can make the budget airlines think for a while! The deal is: while paying less, you can be friends with your co-passenger too. And know how, read the excerpts from my morning mail:

from

raj mushari <lover_boss2005@yahoo.co.in>

HI H R U?HOPE U R FINE BY THE GRACE OF GOD. Did u rem me i m ajnabi i dint got time 2 mail but 2nit u r thoughts made me 2mail u 4m cel. Barsha its gr8 day 4 me 2 meet u suddenly in train journey,i never thought that a cute gal will seat near me.i just thought it will be boring like previous journey but thank god it was gr8 journey spsly 4 u coz u r attiatude ,smiles,way of talking etc impress me.i cant 4 got that moment n i know i may never see u again but pls communacate through maìl or cel Any way hows u r works going on? I often come 2 delhi withen 2,,3 months but 2 day i m going back 2 ghy by jet with lots of memories if possible mail me or call me-9718227741ghy-9854153002.pls dont mind if i m any thing wrong. Bye wish u grnd suxces.
Check out the all-new face of Yahoo! India. Go to http://in.yahoo.com/

I planned to do an R&D on how the infamous Lover Boss (Thankfully not Emraan Hashmi) got my email ID. I came to a conclusion that another co-passenger of mine, who runs an NGO in Guwahati asked for my ID. The Lover Boss, with an exceptionally sharp vision had captured it and the rest is up there.

Guys, the Lover Boss is a public property now. Feel free to call him/write to him to scream the B-word n M-word at him anytime, anyday!

Bhabhio ka hei zamana

It's not F(E)kta Kapoor's creation, but on the same lines - promoting Indian Bhabhi through the Internet. This online sari clad Bhabhi looks as beautiful as those K-serial ones and never fails to take care of you. Just that you have to satisfy her:-) Her orientations are not yet declared in the last two episodes, let's hope though!

The Internet world have changed... It's time for a toon porn star - the one and only Savita Bhabhi. And who knows those Savita didi(s)?

As the site mentiones... (Am sure many have already googled it), she never gets enough of getting physical with men though she is married! The animated bhabhi is getting famous in just 2 months, she is already awarded as India's first toon porn star. Bizarre 'business' of mixing sex with toon.

Sometimes you don't want accept the change, toon as porn felt like a big change! It's almost like watching Spiderman or Harry Potter in porn movies:( Moreover, F(E)kta has already given us so many human Bhabhis... Why do we need inhuman Bhabhis?

Across times

Missing a word:
I heard it first as a kid during my winter holidays when we came here. I was fascinated. I learnt to use it for my ‘defence’ when I started staying here in 2000. Even a friend of mine said, it’s absolutely OK to use it, as we don’t literally mean it. But when my mom heard me using it for the first time she regretted her decision of putting me in a Delhi college. Now, I am too polished to use to it, but I miss saying “bhenchod.” :) A great author of a great book revealed a similar thought.

O’men:
How can someone remain so insanely himself? An old friend of mine who is popularly hated yet popular for two reasons. He was well networked, which is why many remained his friends. And speaks a lot of shit (Only word to describe it)… which is why he is hated. As I reached, he did welcome me with my favourite pastries from Nirola’s and whatever… But then he came back to his self and suddenly shouted, “Good, so you are back! Now that you are here, please take all your old diaries that narrate your dreams when you were 17.”
It so happened that I had to dump all my personal stuff with him when I left to Bangalore as my mom decided to collect my stuff from Delhi. I felt bad, saw it as a bad omen for my 2nd innings in Delhi.
This friend of mine is hugely influenced by someone he worked with. We all knew it, made fun of him and now it’s painful to see him. So much so that he forgot his own identity… In my words, he is a pseudo activist who talks of anti-globalisation and can’t do without a coke. When he is out on a hunger strike against inflation, see what's below his khadi kurta? That's his nike shoes. Phew! And you have to be a ‘firang’ to get fellowships under him. Is this how we learn to become "no one"?

Gyaan time:
I missed Delhi like an organ in my body. And missed more when I started making blunders, when I stopped living my life, when I started living others’ lives. There is something about the water here (Beer also) that you always apply your mind before the action.
Do what you love doing! Yes, I got enlightened one day and convinced myself to do this:) But a friend added more to my “noble idea”. He is doing what he loves doing for the last 16 months…(precisely). When he quit his handsome job to run itasveer.com, I thought he was an idiot. He still is an idiot, because he says I have the most beautiful smile (I am flattered haa!) and the itasveer doesn’t have a single smile of mine. The fake nawaab!

Chase the rainbow

It didn’t take "The Zahir" to realize why it was bad, it took many stupid, cruel and embarrassing incidences to know the ugliness of it. It sometimes made others’ lives ugly, sometimes mine.

It grew in me, and became a habit to chase things that I don’t get. I suffered from jaundice thrice and wasn’t allowed to eat junk food. But I always ate them till one day dad stopped stopping me from eating junks, and I really stopped eating them.

As a kid, I had bought clothes that everyone disliked. When I think back, trust me, they were hilarious, something like, satin yellow pants and a red top:-) Mummy suddenly stopped bothering about my clothes, even I stopped wearing them. Same while choosing my schools, colleges, courses and now my name!

But it took only "The Zahir" to make an attempt against it, or to stop it more precisely. Obsession. Obsession for "yes". The writer of the "Alchemist" gave an Arabic name to what is incapable of being unnoticed, visible - Zahir.

Story of a man obsessed with finding the wife who left him without an explanation. Did he need an explanation? Or he just needed to know who he's meant to be. Ask for an explanation - take the purity away from “why you loved them so much”. Or leave it – Because from a distance or from close, they look best the way they are! And “Because I accepted my destiny and allowed myself to be guided by something greater than myself…the Zahir begin to diminish in intensity” – Paulo Coelho.

Cinderella, it’s not your pumpkin time:)

"Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it."

My nani (Maternal grandma) was the only one I could ever relate to a fairy tale woman in real life… Quiet, always smiling yet controlled her and our lives, almost all the time. The youngest daughter of a most affluent family and was married off to a village boy. Like a fairy tale woman she adjusted, lived, smiled, loved us and died! (It only teaches me the art of acceptance, nothing else).

She stood by me when I picked up dad’s cigarette buds. (Logically we learn from our elders) Always celebrated my birthday every year and even on those years when no one remembered it. (Made the best khir) On an ugly Sunday when mom, dad, sister and brother left to Hyderabad without me, she was there for me. Those were the only days when I died to be home. (Duh! they all thought I was sad)

The art of acceptance, which eventually I couldn't learn, my sister did. She withstood the humour when I defecated at school, she saved my ass (ass indeed) when I went missing for hours and everyone thought I was kidnapped. Hidden the incident of me beating guys on street when she came to know about it from her friends. Built bridges and broke walls for me! And now performing the biggest deal. That she does anything to keep us smiling.

Somewhere I read marriages are not by choice, they are by chance. Maybe. On my sister’s marriage, mom’s poet friend gifted a beautiful poem… Something like “curves” as it translated from Assamese. I call it “Turning point.” I knew her marriage was going to be a beautiful “Turning point”, like the beautiful poem.

To turn with… I can’t flick your money anymore; you won’t have to break your head while cleaning my clothes and the bathroom. No one to use your phone like a PCO :) Last but not the least, you always loved making friends… you got a whole family to be friends with.

because God had a reason...

'Tuberose' for some special B'day(s)

Or whoever is up there, by or inside you… The little tuberose asks the grandpa… WHY? And the grandpa replies, he (I preferred she) has a reason.

In truth, if the God didn’t have a reason, she would not have learnt to say Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. (a memorable quote from Gone With the Wind). Ever since, she never lived a life of fear :)

And for the same reason she knew why they say: A friend in need is a friend indeed. Forget this, what about friends causing you trouble? Nothing actually, since the Tuberose doesn’t give a damn anymore!

“Well, when stars go wrong, everything fails, JUST fails,” the grandpa weeps. The Tuberose felt, it’s fine to upset the stars once in a while, otherwise, she would have always worn those stupid skirts that her mom hates. Kissing her sister isn’t that bitter anyway! She wouldn’t have realized why ‘little pleasures’ are not measured, they are countless. They are not argued upon; they are just the way they are!

“But why God found a bad reason?” she asks… He laughs and says, “because you never listened to human like ‘us’.” “When stars go wrong, everything fails, JUST fails,” the grandpa says, the little Tuberose adds, “you all jumped up to fix those stars.” How could she thank for the endless forgiveness?